Why I Stopped Calling Myself "Behind"

Maybe we're not late. Maybe the timeline was never ours in the first place.

On weekends, I often share more personal content – journal-like thoughts, like a letter to you. While I love helping people build freedom-based businesses, connection means everything to me. These moments of real conversation, where I can be a bit more vulnerable and honest about what's happening behind the scenes, feel just as important as any business advice I could give.

I turned 40 two months ago, and honestly? I was kind of dreading it.

Not the party or the cake or any of that stuff. I was dreading the conversation I'd have to have with myself about what I'd achieved so far. Because in my head, I had this list. By 40, I should have figured out my career. By 40, I should be fluent in English (not just good enough to get by). By 40, I should have built something impressive online. By 40, I should be further along.

The problem was, none of these things had happened on schedule. I felt like I was constantly running to catch up with some invisible timeline that everyone else seemed to be following perfectly.

Here's the thing about being a non-native English speaker trying to build something online: you're always translating. Not just words, but thoughts, ideas, the way you want to come across. While native speakers are writing their first drafts, I'm still figuring out if "that sounds right" or if it sounds like someone trying too hard to sound natural. I'd read other writers and think, "God, they make this look so easy." Of course they did. They weren't doing it in their second language.

And as an introvert running a business in Hungary while trying to build an English-speaking audience, I felt like I was living in two completely different worlds. In one, I knew exactly who I was and what I was doing. In the other, I was still figuring out my voice, still learning the rules, still catching up.

I kept comparing myself to people who'd been writing online for years, forgetting that I literally started writing in English online two years ago.

When I finally saw what I was doing to myself, I got really annoyed. Not sad – properly annoyed. Why was I holding myself to someone else's timeline? Why was I apologizing for taking longer when I was literally doing everything on a higher difficulty setting?

Then I thought about my friend

Orsi Temesvári

, who's rebuilding her whole life and career after an accident. She's not sitting around feeling bad about how long it's taking or comparing her progress to people who didn't have to start over. She's just doing the work, dealing with her reality, building something meaningful. Her timeline isn't "delayed" – it's hers.

What if mine was too?

What if starting to write seriously in my second language at nearly 40 wasn't me being "late" – what if it was just my story? What if needing more time to process things as an introvert wasn't a bug, but a feature? What if all the stuff that made me feel behind was actually what was going to make what I'm building more interesting?

I started asking myself different questions. Instead of "Why am I so slow?" I started asking "Whose timeline am I trying to follow, and why?" Instead of "When will I catch up?" I started asking "What if I'm exactly where I need to be?"

The relief was instant. Like putting down a bag I didn't realize was so heavy.

Now, when I see someone who seems to be moving faster than me, I try to get curious instead of comparative. What's their situation? What advantages do they have that I don't? What challenges are they dealing with that I can't see? Most of the time, we're not even playing the same game.

The careers timeline says you should have it figured out by 30. The creative timeline says if you haven't "made it" by a certain age, you missed your chance. The business timeline promises overnight success if you follow the right steps. But these aren't rules, they're just stories we tell ourselves.

I know a woman who started her PhD at 50. A guy who completely changed careers at 45 and loves what he's doing now. A couple who had their first baby at 40 and couldn't imagine a different timing. A writer who didn't get published until her 60s and then couldn't stop.

Their lives don't fit the standard template, and that's exactly what makes them good.

Since I stopped calling myself "behind," everything has gotten easier. I make decisions based on what actually works for my life instead of what I think should work. I write at my own pace instead of trying to keep up with some imaginary content calendar. I've stopped rushing toward an invisible finish line and started paying attention to where I actually am.

And weirdly? I'm more productive now, not less. When you stop spending energy feeling guilty about your timing, you have more energy to actually move forward.

If you're reading this and feeling behind somewhere in your life – with your career, your creative projects, your relationships, whatever – I want you to know you're not alone. That feeling like everyone else got a handbook you missed? Most of us feel that way. We're just good at hiding it.

But maybe we don't need their handbook anyway. Maybe we can write our own, at our own pace, in our own way. Maybe the timeline was never ours in the first place – and that's actually the best news ever.

Warmly,
Andi